Upon My Return Home

My summer mission trip to Italy could possibly be one of the most discouraging mission trips I have been on. Italy doesn’t really strike you as a really difficult place to do ministry-and it wasn’t-but all the emotional drama and trauma going on between ministry opportunities wore on me terribly. Without going into a lot of detail, suffice it to say that as a team, we did not feel welcome or that our ministry to kids was worth any huge amount of time. In addition to that, throw four single girls and a handful of single soldiers into close quarters and stand back and laugh. Yes, there was that problem too.

And, to be completely honest, I handled none of these things in a way befitting a beautiful woman of God. I complained, I developed attitudes of discontent, I hurt others with my words. I slowly, but surely, slipped further and further away from the beautiful relationship I had had with my God. But I think that the most difficult thing for me was that I did not feel that my prayer for the summer had been realized.

I had been praying that God would show me his glory and that he would show up in a very real and very powerful way. I wanted to know that God really and truly cared about me. And I was expecting something big. I was expecting a life-changing thing that when I looked back on my life I would be able to point to a moment and say That was it, that moment during a summer mission trip to Italy, God spoke to me and my life changed and took a whole new direction.

When I got back to debrief in Warrenton, I was still struggling with the fact that nothing huge or life-changing had occurred in Italy. In fact, I felt further away from God than I had felt in months. I felt as though the relationship damage that had been done would take months, years to repair. Just to get back to where I had been before the trip, let alone grow, seemed unfathomably difficult.

And then, I had a revelation. I suddenly realized that maybe I had been looking so hard for the BIG thing, that I missed all the small little affirmations of God’s love that he sent. This train of thought continued as I looked again at the life of Moses, from which I had drawn so much inspiration. God showed Moses his glory and Exodus also says over and over again that Moses was a friend of God. I started thinking about what characterizes a true friendship. It is not huge monumental gifts or enormously memorable moments. It’s little things. Small things that happen every day.

I started looking back at my trip and realized that, indeed, there were little tokens of God’s affection scattered throughout my trip to Italy.

The first one that I can remember occurred three or four days after I arrived in Italy. I had an envelope of money that I was to give to Dave Powell that would cover all the expenses of the trip. I misplaced it and thought nothing of it until one of the other team members told me that the envelope had had cash in it and not a check. I started casually looking for the envelope, then frantically. I had finally looked in every possible place. I was almost in tears when I walked into my bedroom where all the girls were sitting. I asked them if we could please pray. One other girl prayed first, then I prayed. Almost as soon as I said Amen, the other girl rolled off the bed and said she would look in one more place. She pulled the envelope out from behind the nightstand.

I had been very discouraged by the fact that none of the children at MOKIs had responded to the Bible stories and asked to be counseled for salvation. I was haunted by the fact the Chris had not come back to MOKIs. He was a little boy that had raised his hand and told me very seriously after I had presented the salvation message, that what I had said made his heart hurt. I had not had a chance to talk to him that day. I looked for him every day after that but I never saw him again. But because of Chris, I started watching the kids and if they looked like they had a question, I invited them to stay back and to talk to me about what they were thinking. I was able to lead five kids to Jesus!

Four days before my team left, our team leader and his daughter left for the states. He had been taking alot for us and he was worried that in his absence, my team would be attacked. But God had provided two soldiers with whom my team had built an incredible friendship, and in Dave’s absence, they stepped in and protected. In a time when we were most vulnerable and helpless, God provided a way of escape.

Those are the things that I can remember now. As I begin to remember smaller details of the trip, I know I will see more things that were gifts to me from God. It was a difficult trip but it was a good trip and an opportunity to experience God.