The Ways of God

God says that his ways are higher than my ways. I know this. But until recently, that was all. I knew it but I had never before experienced it. I did not believe it. I have been learning alot of things. But one of the lessons that seems to be coming back over and over is the fact that it is futile and a bit stupid to plan my life. Because every time, God comes in with a new plan that turns everything I had planned upside down.

Until a couple of days ago, I had been stubbornly planning to go to college. It has been my dream since second grade (or whenever I found out what college is) and I cared little what I went for as long as I went. I thought God was blessing my dream when I got accepted to PCAD. Imagine my surprise when I found out that my student loan had not been approved and that that door had apparently closed.

To tell you the truth, I was not really surprised at all.

A couple of nights after my return from Italy, I had been reading an amazing book my brother Shane gave to me. It’s called The Irresistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne and it has more than shaken up my life. I had been reading it for a couple of hours and I was in that limbo between wakefulness and sleep, dreaming about all the mission trips and God-services I hoped to do when I was finished with college. Then I thought sadly about the years I wold spend paying back my student loans.

Suddenly, it was like someone spoke to me. The thought Do you really, really need to go to college?  flashed through my mind. Instantly, I was wide awake. My heart was racing. I knew it had been God. Right then and there, I begged God no to take my college dream away from me. But even as I prayed that prayer, I knew that it was useless. So I prayed that God would clarify his will be not allowing my student loan to go through. Sure enough.

Oddly, I am almost unnervingly at peace now. I had been horribly nervous about being a student at PCAD and I was stressed out. But after I got the phone call from my loan agency, cried, and screamed at God (don’t worry, I apologized), I realized that God’s dream for me did not include a college education and years of debt. And I felt immediately surrounded by his presence and peaceful than I had felt in weeks. And now that that door has closed (during my tirade at God, I called it slamming that door in my face), so many other doors now have potential to open.

Slowly as I learn more about God and his dreams that he has for every one of us, the more trusting I feel. It sounds a bit lazy, but there is nothing like standing back and waiting for God to open a door than to spend all my energy jumping against and trying to break down doors on my own.

With that said, I am going to share a random little fairy tale that just came to me.

Once upon a time, a little girl was walking in the garden with her daddy. They came to a wall that had dozens of doors opening into smaller gardens. The little girl looked with delight at her daddy and raced ahead of him. When she reached the first door, she found with some irritation that she could not reach the handle. So she leaned against the door with her shoulder and pushed with all her might, trying to enter the garden on her own. When her daddy caught up to her, she begged him to please open the door for her. He looked at her with love in his eyes and reached for the handle. He held his daughter back as he looked into the garden. He saw dead trees and pits full of snakes. His daughter tried to push past him to enter the garden so he slammed the door shut. She looked at him in anger and asked why he had closed the door. “Because I know that there is a garden more beautiful, my daughter.” She looked at him with a pout and ran to the next door. Again, she tried with all her might to open the door on her own. Again she begged him to open the door for her. Again, he looked at her with love in his eyes and reached for the latch. He held her back as he peeked inside and saw flames shooting up from the ground and gnarly, forbidding looking trees. As his daughter tried to push past him, he again slammed the door shut. This time, his daughter kicked at his ankles and beat hims with her little fists. She screamed why and he told her “Because I know there is a garden more beautiful, my daugter.” This happened over and over again. Always, after he slammed a door to protect her from unhappiness and pain, she fought him. Once, she even ran away and he had to go find her and bring her back to the wall of doors. Finally, she was exhausted from trying to open doors and from fighting him whenever he slammed a door shut in her face. She lifted her arms to him in surrender and said “Daddy, will you please take me to the garden that you know is more beautiful?” He looked at her with love in his eyes and lifted her into his arms. She rested her head against his shoulder as he carried her slowly past door after door. When he set her down in front of a door, she looked at him with complete trust in her eyes and waited patiently for him to open the door. He pushed it open and held her hand as the walked inside. The garden was beautiful. It was full of flowers and fruit trees and green grass. Adorable little bunnies hopped around her and turtle basked in the sun on rocks beside the little pond full of lily pads and goldfish. She looked around her in awe then ran to her daddy. He picked her up and swung her around and around. “Thank you daddy!” she cried. “This garden really is the most beautiful!”

THE END